(The Nationalist, 21 June 2002)
On one occasion, in Africa, I was told by the local policeman that a body had been found floating in the nearby Zambezi river. He had made enquiries and discovered that it was the body of a man who had thrown himself into the river a few days before. His death by suicide put him outside the community. There was a local saying that, ‘One who commits suicide is not wept for’. No one would attend his funeral or have a part in burying him. The policeman and I dug the grave in ground apart from the cemetery and buried him, with no other person present.
Local people saw his suicide as a rejection of family, community, and of life itself. In that they were right, because the act of suicide is all of those things. But they were wrong in their attitude to the person doing the act.
Recently, in the parish where I work, a man of twenty four years committed suicide. His death, and the manner of it, was a great shock to his family. But they were consoled by the support they received from relatives, friends, neighbours and parishioners. When I talked with the parents about the funeral arrangements, I asked whether they wanted mention made of the fact that he died by suicide. They both replied, ‘Yes, everyone knows it. There’s no point in trying to hide it. And if it helps one young person to stop and think about what they are doing, then some good will have come of it’.
Some of those who came to the house to offer condolences were young people in their late teens and early twenties. In each case, the mother brought them into the living room and became a mother to all of them by pointing to his lifeless body, saying, ‘Look at my son! That’s what drugs do to you!’
She and her husband are both left asking the question ‘Why? Why did he do it? Why didn’t he ask for help? Why didn’t he say something?’ Those questions will always remain unanswered and unanswerable. The only one who could answer them is dead.
Everyone has problems, but it’s never a good idea to make an important decision about them when we are depressed. A decision made in those circumstances is not likely to be a good one. The suicide comes to believe that the problem cannot be overcome, cannot be lived with, and that nothing in the future will change that. Those are very large conclusions to draw. The truth is that very few problems cannot either be overcome or lived with, especially with some help.
Help is available from many sources: family, relatives, a doctor, the Samaritans, social services, Childline, and so on. If anyone feels depressed, they should reach out and ask for help. Then that brave and generous mother will have her wish.