(The Nationalist, 9 May 2003)
If you want to keep God out of your life, to make sure that there is little chance that God will make a difference, here are some useful tips, the product of much experience:
Keep the TV switched on all the time. It doesn’t matter whether you watch it; the background noise, words and images will keep your mind occupied – as an invading army occupies.
As far as possible avoid being alone: you might begin to think, and that is to start on a dangerous path. But if you insist on thinking, do it in clichés.
In company, keep up a constant flow of chatter, even if you have nothing to say. Don’t listen, you might learn something.
Keep your mind in tune with prevailing fads, moods and fashions. Be politically correct, go with the flow. Have a ready ear for current jargon, wisecracks and flippancies.
Pray only when you feel like it. Tell yourself that only this kind of prayer is honest, that anything else is hypocritical.
Avoid reading; but if you must do it, confine it to adverts in glossy magazines, especially those that are either sexy or snobbish. Gracious living provides fertile ground for the latter.
If you have a serious problem, take a drink or a sedative. Don’t reflect, share it with a friend, or, even worse, pray about it.
Commute for a few hours daily at peak times. The feelings of anger, hatred and even murder that this engenders are wonderful for driving out normal sentiments of decency and humanity.
Nurse your grievances as devotedly as if you hoped to qualify for a carer’s allowance. Let resentment and a feeling of being hard done by fester.
Give your best time and energy to matters of power, position and possessions.
Then, if someone makes mention of God, you’ll wonder what they’re talking about.
(With help from the writings of C. S. Lewis)