(The Nationalist, 27 February 2004)
In recent times, John Hume invented a new word; he called it Whataboutery. ‘What about the time you said such-and-such?’ ‘What about the time you did this or that?’ ‘You criticize me for wasting money, but what about the money you spend on yourself?’
In the Middle East, between the Israelis and the Palestinians, we see instances almost every week of attack and counter-attack, aggression and retaliation, each one evoking the other, each defended by Whataboutery. ‘You blame us for attacking you this week, but what about your attack on us last week?’
We don’t have to go to the Middle East to find whataboutery. It was John Hume, after all, who coined the word after thirty-five years in the politics of Northern Ireland. It is often the case there that each side justifies its refusal to move by saying that “the other side” has not moved. And in industrial relations the blame game is another form of it. Family quarrels and personal differences, too, often have a hefty measure of the same thing. Whataboutery makes for stagnation in human relations at any level.
How can we get beyond it? I know of only one way. It is for individuals of generosity, imag-ination and courage to climb out of the mental trenches of whataboutery and start creating a new relationship.
It boils down to the F word – F for forgiveness, that is. Forgiveness means making a decision to let go of hatred, no matter how understandable it may be, and reach out to the other person as a fellow human being, offering the hand of friendship.
That, in turn, leads to another F word, namely, freedom. Forgiveness is an act of freedom. It flows from a free choice: forgiveness is a decision, not a feeling. And it leads to freedom. Those who forgive free themselves from the anger of the past and for a future unburdened by resentment and grievance.
The process ends with another F word, friendship. Enemies reconciled can be closer than those who had never quarrelled, because they have gone down into the depths with each other. They know each other better than before. They have shared in the pain of estrangement and in the happiness of reconciliation.