(The Nationalist, 04 June 2007)
The late Dr. Benjamin Spock was a paediatrician and writer on child care. He became the guru on this topic in the United States in the Fifties and Sixties, hailed as a man with a new approach. Millions bought his Common Sense Book of Baby and Child Care, which urged parents to allow their children to express themselves more fully. The book was quoted by supporters and opponents alike as a bible of liberalism or permissiveness, depending on their point of view. His influence spread to Europe and elsewhere.
In later years, Spock, with great honesty, said his approach had been mistaken, that children needed boundaries, rules, and discipline – he did not mean beating – and firm family figures who would correct and direct them. Some said he was bolting the stable door after the horse had left.
I am reminded of the situation of a boy of about three years of age, in a family where his mother’s first partner, who was his father, had left, and been replaced by another. His mother was physically violent and foul-mouthed. The boy was angry, aggressive, and also foul-mouthed. Then there was a road accident. All the family, except the boy, were killed. He needed extensive hospitalization and after-care, and will remain physically impaired for the rest of his life. He was sent to a remedial home where he was well treated. I met him after he had been there for about a year. He was gentle, relaxed and smiling. The bad-mannered brat had become a happy, healthy child, who is now cared for by his granny.
I wonder if there had been no accident, if he had continued his previous life as it was at home, how he would be today. I find it hard to imagine that he would be doing as well as he is.
Since Dr. Spock’s time, a variety of new conditions described in medical terminology, such as ADHD (Attention Deficit, Hyperactive Disorder), Asperger’s Syndrome and others, has been brought to public attention. I wonder whether the boy, if he had not had the accident and after-care, might not have been classed as having one or other of those medical conditions.
I know nothing about medical matters, but I dare to ask a question. Is it possible that, in some cases, children are being diagnosed as having conditions calling for medical treatment, when the root cause of their problem may lie in inadequate parenting?
I once worked in a parish where we ran a course on parenting. By and large, you could say that those who came didn’t need it, and those who needed it didn’t come. It seems strange to me, as a non-parent, that while we accept the necessity of training for everything nowadays, from driving a car to almost any job, it’s assumed that nobody needs training for parenting. It’s as if it comes naturally. But when you see at first hand the sometimes very wide differences in the quality of parenting, and the effect of that on children, it’s hard to avoid the conclusion that such an assumption needs challenging.
It is not my desire to take parents on a guilt trip, but what I have seen in parish life, both in Ireland and abroad, has led me to the conviction that there is no environment as helpful to a child as growing up in a stable family, where the parents are married, communicate with each other and actively share in the work of parenting.