(The Nationalist, 25 August 2000)
Some years ago a relative of mine committed suicide. Her family and relatives were naturally very upset at the news of her death. When they gathered together, in the house of one of the relatives after the funeral, for something to eat they spoke among themselves in hushed tones about what they called the “accident”. There was great tension in the house while this was going on.
Finally, one of the family spoke up and said, ‘Look, let’s stop pretending. Ann’s death [I’m inventing a name here] wasn’t an accident; it couldn’t have been. Let’s stop pretending and admit that it was suicide’.
The first reaction of the others was one of shock and anger. They felt that the secret shouldn’t have been revealed, and the speaker got more than a few dirty looks and angry words. But it wasn’t very long before things changed, and a feeling of relief came over them. They were glad that the pretence was over and that they could acknowledge the truth, face it, and call it by name. The burden of trying to pretend to one another that a suicide had been an accident was lifted from them. It meant that they could be honest with one another and not go on playing games of deception which almost everyone there knew were just that.
A good many years ago another relative of mine was killed in a road accident. He had lost control of his car on a mountain road, it had gone over a cliff and he was killed in the fall. He had been in perfect health, was married and had a family. His death was a total surprise and shock. When his brothers and sisters came together one question which worried them was how they would break the news to his mother, then eighty years old and frail. They knew they could not avoid telling her that he had died, since the funeral was going to take place in the tiny village where she lived. But they didn’t want to tell her about the manner of his death. They felt the shock would be too much for her, visualizing her son’s terror as his car fell through the air to the rocks below.
Together they cooked up a story, which was that he had had a heart attack and had died in his sleep, without pain. That wouldn’t seem so bad. It seemed the perfect cover story and all agreed to tell it. And they did. When they had finished, the old lady said to them that that was not how it had happened. She said his car had gone off a mountain road and he had fallen to his death. As you can imagine, they were totally astonished, and asked her how she had known. She told them that she had seen it in a dream the night before. It was as simple and as amazing as that. And she took it calmly even if with a heavy heart.
Tell the truth. Jesus said in the Gospel, ‘The truth shall make you free’. (John 8.32)