(The Nationalist, 12 September 2003)
When I returned to Ireland from Africa six years ago, one of the changes I noticed after twenty six years away was that while women seemed to have come alive in a thousand and one ways and to have the sparkle of vitality in their eyes, men, by contrast, seemed to be drifting in a malaise, lacking a sense of direction. They seemed unsure of themselves, fearful and uncertain.
It wasn’t simply that macho man was gone – and good riddance to him, he was a puffed-up balloon anyway – but that men did not seem to know what to do with themselves. They seemed unsettled by the way women displayed their competence in every area of life and indeed were often better than men at doing previously ‘male’ jobs.
Why should it disturb a man that a woman can do a job as well as he can, unless he is already insecure in himself? Does a woman’s success diminish a man? That is something I cannot see.
Another angle on this comes from a writer called Johann Christoph Arnold. He wrote, ‘Perhaps the biggest problem with today’s fathers is that they are afraid to be real men. By that I do not mean macho. To me, a true father has something of a mother in him, something tender. He will also be selfless, focussed, ready to provide leadership, and eager to go to bat for those in his care. Think of the problems that could be solved if men gave their wives and children as much love and time as they do to following sports, or watching TV. (“In Praise of Fatherhood”, in Plough magazine, No. 27, Summer 2003, p. 3)
For some ideas on male spirituality, see: www.malespirituality.org