(The Nationalist, 31 October 2003)
The commercialization of Christmas is a long-standing theme of writers like myself. But it’s not only Christmas. Other Christian celebrations, and the sacraments, have also been commercialized. We have cards for Saint Valentine’s day, Saint Patrick’s day cards and badges, pancakes on Shrove Tuesday, hot cross buns in Holy Week, Easter cards and eggs, the very expensive preparations for first Communion and Confirmation, and then Hallow E’en. Baptisms, too, are going the same way.
In recent decades, weddings have become increasingly commercialized. The invitations, reception with drinks and “afters”, the flowers, photos, videos, dresses and suits, the limousine, etc. all add up to large expense and big business. Hotels, for instance, make big money from wedding receptions. I heard recently of one which charged a pound sterling for each after-dinner mint.
One effect of all the hoopla about weddings is to overshadow the couple and their commitment to each other, although it is the heart of the matter. It also means that by the time their big day comes, the couple are tired, edgy and nervous. They sometimes endure the day rather than enjoy it. I know from working with couples preparing for their wedding, that, even though they sometimes want only a simple ceremony, they feel under pressure to have a lavish celebration: ‘You can’t invite A without inviting B’. Sometimes pressure comes from parents and is driven by the desire to keep up with the Joneses, or making up, by proxy, for what they felt was a too-simple wedding of their own. I know couples who felt that their big day was hijacked by others with their own agenda.
Another even more important side-effect of the high cost is that couples who cannot afford a wedding decide to live together outside of marriage. Such partnerships are less happy and stable than marriage, as various studies have demonstrated.
What is necessary for a Christian wedding is a man and woman prepared to commit themselves to each other exclusively and for life, with two witnesses present. The priest is only a witness on behalf of the Church. All else is accessory. The more the optional extras are piled on, the more burdensome the proceedings may become.
A simple ceremony enables the focus to be directed where it should be, that is, on the man and woman and their public pledge before God to commit themselves to one another for life. That is the essential. People can give themselves to that wholeheartedly with undivided attention in a relaxed and joyful manner, if they do not also have 101 details, many of them trivialities, to think about. Keep it small. Keep it simple. It’s better all round.