(The Nationalist, 2 & 9 March 2001 [printed twice])
We human beings have an ambiguous attitude towards truth. We think of ourselves as people who search for it and accept it if we find it. At other times our search for the truth is like the mouse’s search for the cat: we are running from it at full speed, and the last thing we want is to find it.
We don’t always act truthfully. It is common for us to wear masks. We keep up appearances and avoid what might lead to conflict. We say we’re doing it “for the sake of peace”.
There’s a price to be paid for that. Issues which need to be faced are swept under the carpet. Keeping up appearances becomes like telling lies – we pretend things are different from what they are. The longer that goes on, the more difficult it becomes. Relationships become artificial: we may even come to hate the other person, though the blame rests with ourselves for not having brought matters up front, had a good row and been prepared to face the truth, however difficult it might be. Others may be drawn into the pretence and the problem drags them down. An example is the family of an alcoholic where everyone is made a liar by pretending things are fine at home.
We should never allow anyone to take from us the freedom to say what we believe to be true. This does not mean that we blurt out whatever comes into our head. It means that it is we, and not another, who make the decision about whether to speak.
I think that we Irish people are slow to speak our minds. Maybe it is because of our history as a colony, with its attitudes of subservience and keeping on the right side of the ‘powers that be’. We don’t say what we mean or mean what we say; things are meant to be read between the lines; we live in the land of nod, wink and nudge. Even worse is the one who sits on the fence, playing the cute hoor, until he sees what way the wind is blowing, and then he sails with it. That is one of the less pleasant sides of our character and it strongly suggests a lack of backbone.
By contrast, Jesus said simply, ‘Let your yes be yes, and your no be no. Anything more than that come from the evil one.’ (Matthew 5.37) What that means is: say what you mean and mean what you say. To do so is not an obligation placed on our shoulders; instead it lifts from us the burden of pretence. It gives us the freedom of being true to ourselves and not living a lie. It means we can look people in the eye; we know where we stand with them and they with us. That’s much easier than merely reacting to others. ‘This above all, to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man,’ wrote William Shakespeare.
Where people have a row, they are communicating. Where there is communication, there is community. We human beings need community, and the price for it is communication. Go ahead and speak up! Have a row – for the sake of peace!