(The Nationalist, 16 July 1999)
Ours may be the first generation in human history in which children do not participate significantly in family meals. Why? Maybe it’s because there aren’t so many family meals nowadays, (or families either) even at weekends. In part, it’s because technology has taken over: the TV, the microwave and the dishwasher have changed the character of family eating. For example, some teenagers impose on themselves a kind of solitary confinement in bedrooms equipped with TV, a sound system and an online computer, from which they venture out only to raid the fridge for a lonely, anti-social meal. They take something from the fridge, put it in the microwave, and eat it lying on the floor in front of the TV. One sometimes hears teenagers say they have no friends; is it a surprise? We watch Friends and Neighbours on TV – but have neither. Technology has an impact on the way we think and on how we relate to others.
Another reason why there are fewer family meals is that there are many activities outside the home, there is money to finance them, there are irregular working hours and more single-parent families.
A family meal is much more than a group intake of calories. It’s a primary means of civilization in which we learn to curb our natural instinct to savagery, to tame the barbarian in us. Through it we learn to share rather than, baby-like, to grab everything for ourselves. It’s an opportunity for interpreting the events of the day, for listening to each other, for learning the art of dialogue. It’s an occasion for giving time and energy to each other, to think of others, to sacrifice, and to build family bonds. It introduces us to the value of ritual and ceremony. Meals have a semi-sacramental character.
In Saint Luke’s Gospel, Jesus is very often either going to a meal, or at a meal, or coming from a meal. In Jesus’ life, meals were places where significant things happened. And the Mass is a family meal with God our Father.
Someone has said, ‘Be careful what you give children, because sooner or later you’ll get it back’. (Barbara Kingsolver, “Somebody’s Baby”, High Tide in Tucson: Essays from Now or Never, HarperPerennial, 1996)
Having meals together would enhance the quality of family life. Sharing in the work of the meal, such as setting the table or washing the dishes, provides an opportunity to learn about joint responsibility for the family. And the ordinary give-and-take of conversation, jokes, correction, reminiscences and the exchange of hopes and expectations create bonds that are irreplaceable. The family that eats, meets.
Is it not worth the effort to try to have meals together? It takes an effort, but the benefits outweigh the sacrifice. Give it a try.