(The Nationalist, February 2006)
Are you stressed out? Most people feel some stress, and a certain amount of it is healthy and invigorating. But don’t let it take over.
Relationships, family rows, money worries, traffic congestion, problems at work, accidents, or violence – these can all lead to anxiety and tension. Tension is a natural reaction to anything that threatens our well-being and happiness.
When emotional upsets happen often, and don’t wear off after a while, it’s time for us to take action. So what can we do?
1. Get away from problems – escape for a while.
Jesus went into the mountains or the desert to be alone.
Go to bed earlier and get a good night’s sleep.
Read a book.
Married people: take time together; go away for a break.
Make time for yourself. Do something you enjoy. Switch off.
2. Work off your anger.
Take a walk, or some other physical exercise.
Do something constructive with the pent-up energy. Think of Peter Benenson, an Englishman who founded Amnesty International in 1961, in response to the anger he felt at the injustice in Portugal to two students given a 7-year jail sentence for drinking a toast to freedom at a graduation party.
3. Take one thing at a time – prioritize. How?
What I need to do today; what I can put off until tomorrow; what I needn’t do at all.
4. Talk it over.
Don’t bottle things up – talk to someone you can trust. A burden shared is a burden halved.
5. Take the initiative regarding the person at the centre of the stress.
Do you feel slighted, left out, rejected? Instead of withdrawing, make yourself available and make the opening move. You can sometimes be closer to a person after reconciling a quarrel than if you had never had it in the first place.
6. Do something for another person.
Instead of worrying about “me” all the time, do something for someone else. This can help you put your worries in proportion.
7. Don’t be a perfectionist.
Perfectionism is the “respectable” addiction of the twenty-first century.
Do you set impossible targets for everything you do? Do you expect too much of yourself, and then worry when you don’t achieve as much as you think you should?
Decide which things you do well and work on them. As for the things you don’t do so well, do them to the best of your ability and be content with that.
8. Give in occasionally.
By all means stand your ground on what you think is right, but learn to negotiate.
9. Take time for prayer.
Rest quietly and trustingly in the presence of God. Live in the present moment.
10. Don’t be too critical.
Do you expect too much of others? Do you feel frustrated and disappointed when they don’t measure up to your standards?
Instead of being critical, look for good points and help to develop them.
Don’t always feel you have to compete – co-operate instead.
Move from competition or confrontation to cooperation.
For those in a hurry: ‘A spirituality of turning to God with the mind only, while disconnected from feelings and sensation, does not take account of all the workings of our human nature as embodied persons’. (Tony Baggot SJ)