(The Nationalist, 18 January 2002)
A common sight in Ireland in the past twenty years is that of the Granny in her late fifties or early sixties pushing a pram. The baby in it is a grandchild, one of several, perhaps, that she has been asked to care for. Granny is to be the cheerfully available, readily on call, and free-of-charge nanny for her children’s children.
This is not easy for someone at that age, especially if she is asked to go from one of her children’s houses to another to care for different grandchildren, or have them dropped off at her house. I know of one grandmother who said to her daughter that she was tired and that looking after her grandchildren was becoming too much for her. She felt her children should look after their own instead of asking her to do it. She wasn’t prepared for the answer she got, ‘That’s what you’re there for’. It was then she realized that she wasn’t simply being asked to help but was being used, so she made the decision to quit and “handed in her notice”.
Actions have consequences, rights bring responsibilities, choices involve commitments – those are facts of life, realities as inescapable as the law of gravity. Young parents say they have to ask the grandparents for help with the children because two incomes are a necessity nowadays with house prices having jumped hugely in recent years, and the cost of day care in nurseries being unaffordable. Their parents say they managed on one income because they didn’t have the same material expectations: they were content to acquire household goods one at a time as they went through life rather than expect to start off with a full supply; holidays were exceptional rather than annual or twice a year; they often did without smokes or drink to save money. Their entertainments were simple: a walk, an evening at the pictures, some games at home with the children.
And what about high house prices? Not long ago a builder was interviewed about the cost of housing. He cited the large increase in the price of sites. But, when pressed, he went on to say that builders charge more for houses because most couples have two incomes – they have more so they can afford to pay more, he said. He let the cat out of the bag – two incomes contribute to the high price of houses.
It doesn’t surprise me that grannies are beginning to reject the role that is imposed on them by reason of choices made by their sons and daughters. Having reared their own family they want a bit of rest and quiet. Helping out with their grandchildren from time to time is one thing, being on call is another. The primary responsibility for bringing up children rests with their parents.